Emotional Basket Case Today

I am an emotional basket case today.  My baby (ok, so he is 25, but he is still my baby) has his last day of work today.  In a good way.  He will be leaving in a few weeks to go on an extended journey out of the country. Too far for me to get to easily!!!!  I might not hug him for 10 weeks and he won’t be home for 5 months!

A few days ago, I suggested that perhaps we have a set time each week that we are certain to chitty chat.  And, although I am an Android user, I set up an old iPad so that I can FaceTime with him.  He acted like I was being ridiculous.  Can you imagine???  He says we will text, talk, communicate regularly and plenty.

But my heart is still jumping out of my skin, or chest, or whatever it is that the saying is.

He is a grown man, completely self sufficient, and I am here wondering if they will have cupcakes for him at work.  WHY, OH WHY, DID I NOT THINK TO HAVE CUPCAKES DELIVERED???

Isn’t he still just a baby playing with his toes?

Let me share a post made to FaceBook several weeks ago…

 

 

Posted In Private Group On FB

“Mommas, I know that most of you still have little ones, but I have to share about my 25 yr old baby! He has been out of school and working for a couple of years, saving, contributing to his 401k and IRA, enjoying his day job and trading options and ForEx for fun. All the responsible grown up things. Guess what?
In August he leaves until December to travel around Europe with his girlfriend! The tickets are bought, they are selling off some stuff, and getting a variety of jobs freelancing and remote work!!! They also hope to sometimes get short term jobs in local European communities and sleep in hostels and on the couches of randomish people!!! I am so very happy for them and proud. Rarely do I describe myself as ‘proud’ of my kids’ accomplishments because it is THEIR accomplishment. And yet I am. I am proud. And excited. And nervous.
Whether it is the first day of daycare, just beginning kindergarten, a first middle school dance, walking into the giant high school, happy tearful hugs at graduation, leaving for a new town for college… every step of the way is an adventure. For them and us.
What starts as you, momma, being this tiny baby’s entire world and before you know it you are just glad to have little windows into the world they have created for themselves. And yet, they are still your entire world.
Every single step of the way, a new adventure. As with all adventures, there is excitement and challenge, exhaustion and exhilaration, and always newness when you look for it.
No matter where you are on your journey, no matter how easy or how difficult, no matter how full of love — it keeps getting better! And, oddly enough while you are so busy raising them, YOU also keep getting better. You are growing just as they are. Such an amazing gift they give us.
Yep, I am happy, excited, proud. And nervous. My baby will leave his safe zone and enter a new world, explore, see other cultures, meet new people, learn about history and about himself. It’s almost the first day of kindergarten again.”

So Much Happening In My Head

I jumped on the elliptical searching for distraction.  That never works.  If it is a harder workout, that can sometimes distract, but a walk or the elliptical or weights just doesn’t do it for me.  Now, instead of distraction, I am thinking of another little boy.  A little friend of mine leaves for a 6 week vacation today.  I started taking care of him when he was 4 weeks old, and now he will turn 3 in a few days.  While he is gone, I will miss him.  

Great job, elliptical.  Now I am missing two babies instead of one.

So, I guess I should call a friend who will help me re-focus on work type projects, and metaphorically hit me upside the head with a little ‘chin up’ speech.  Oh, nope.  That friend isn’t available.

The truth is, sometimes we are just distracted from our work.  Today is that kind of day.  Rather than ignore my emotions, I am going to sit with them a bit.  There is nothing actually bad happening.  The thoughts in my head are actually happy and excited thoughts.  So many great things happening.  Happy for my family and my friends, and my project is all of a sudden coming along better than expected.  Being able to take time to sit with our thoughts is sometimes uncomfortable, and yet so necessary.

It’s almost the first day of kindergarten again.

 

Emotional basket case kinds of days are needed just to clear away the cobwebs.  Sitting, exercising, walking, listening to music, writing, mundane chores, catching up with friends…all of those thing are needed in our lives.  It isn’t ignoring work; it is paying attention to our spirit!  The beating drum inside needs a little attention.

And, oh my gosh, I can’t believe he has created a life in which he gets to explore so many of the things he learned about as a small child.  He is more than I could have ever imagined for him to be.